Thursday, May 21, 2009

May 18 2009 Figure Four Weekly: Flair returns and wants to wrestle, Judgment Day recap, Astin jailed
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Judgment Day didn't have any blow-away four-star matches, but it had a lot of very good wrestling and was worth the $39.95. Amazingly, no world titles changed hands, but we did have one major angle in the return of Ric Flair to WWE television.
"I want to wrestle again," Flair told Alex Marvez last week. "I watch (WWE) and I can still do better than 90 percent of the guys there. I weigh one less pound than the day I retired. I still work out really hard and I wrestle my kid (Reid) all the time. It's not like I haven't been in the ring."
Flair said he had already sent text messages to John Laurinaitis saying if anyone was out injured, he was ready to step in and take their place. He did say that he had so much appreciation for the send-off that WWE gave him after his retirement match with Shawn Michaels that he had turned down numerous offers from other promoters to return to the ring. He said he got the "fever back real fast" this past spring when he was doing promotional work for WrestleMania and the Jericho vs. Mickey Rourke match.
"People in Europe are offering me a fortune," he said. "I'm tired of signing autographs. I can make more money wrestling." I don't know of the exact offer he was talking about but I can confirm that people were throwing some crazy money at him to work a single match, in the six figures range. "I love the business. I was thinking the other day about the reason why God gave me this health. I don't hurt anywhere. I haven't lost any strength. I'm just like I was 10 years ago. I keep thinking, 'Why am I signing autographs when I can still take backdrops?' But I respect Shawn and (WWE) so much that I wouldn't do anything to disrespect them. They would have to give me full approval (to wrestle again). They put me in a special place. I think it's going to be a long time before we see something come across again like what they did for me (with the retirement ceremony). I didn't think it would be that big a deal. We'll see how this turns out."
He said he had sent Vince McMahon a message saying he'd be open to being GM on any of the three shows after the draft and Vince's response was that he was retired. I should note that the story we heard was that they offered him the Smackdown gig at something like $250,000 per year, but he'd have had to sign an exclusive contract, and since he's making more than that outside of WWE he turned it down.
So what the hell is he doing back?
Good question. At press time he had not signed a deal with the company. It's amazing because that's the exact kind of thing WWE hates to do, and here they are doing it with Ric Flair, who has been appearing regularly on ROH TV and has future commitments with that company. This is different from his company appearances leading to WrestleMania, as he was more a spokesman for Mickey Rourke to put heat on the Jericho match. Here, he's being put into the main event mix with Batista, Orton, Cena and Legacy, plus he's heavily teasing wrestling again. Basically, despite the draft the Raw ratings are down and they're concerned about a lack of starpower, and the planned HHH return (at this PPV) has been put off indefinitely. They need stars on Raw, Flair is a star, Flair wants to come back, and they're confident that even if they put him on TV without a contract there is about a zero percent chance he's going to TNA. Bringing up Raw ratings is more important to them than whether or not he appears for ROH, and he was going to make huge money on his outside offers whether WWE put him back on TV this week or not.
Will he wrestle again? Who knows? They turned the Marvez interview into a storyline Monday, with Flair reciting almost word-for-word what he said in the paper, and Batista playing the Vince McMahon role telling him he was retired. Whether he wrestles or not is 100 percent Vince's call, and the feeling is that right now Vince isn't high on the idea of it happening. It's possible he could do a streetfight or something at the PPV, something that isn't a "sanctioned match", but I think the chances of a full-time return are pretty slim. But they don't make plans more than a week in advance so it's a day-by-day thing and will all depend on how Vince feels when the time comes for him to make a decision.
The only other notable thing on the show was CM Punk getting beaten clean in the opener in Chicago. He's had heat for awhile and clearly they were teaching him a lesson for God knows what reason. It was also interesting that after building up for weeks on TV that he was on the verge of cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase there wasn't even a hint of that happening here on a major PPV in his hometown. The timing isn't right, but it's strange to see them build up an angle like this and then, in the place where it makes the most sense, just completely discard it.
1. CM Punk vs. Umanga. They're in Chicago so Punk was super over. Punk had new gear with Chicago Bears colors on it. Crowd chanted his name early. Umaga caught him on a springboard and gave him the spinning slam for the heat. He worked him over forever. It was pretty slow-paced with Umaga using nerve holds, arm holds, etc. This was not what this crowd wanted to see. Punk tried a sunset flip from the outside and, well, failed. Got squashed, in fact. They had a couple of cool basic spots, such as Punk going for the slam and the fat guy falling on him, or making a brief flurry and getting the chop to the throat. Punk finally sent him outside and hit a big pescado. Punk made his big comeback. He avoided the ass spot in the corner and hit a bulldog off the middle rope, but Umaga sent him flying when he kicked out. He set up for the go 2 sleep. This I gotta see. The fatman was too fat and switched into the Samoan drop. He signaled for the thumb of doom but Punk ducked, hit some weak-looking kicks, and tried the go 2 sleep again. He failed, ate a superkick, ate the ass spot, then ate the thumb of doom for the pin. So he either pissed someone off or he's winning the title in the main event. (***)
Chavo met with Vickie backstage and said the trainer had officially cleared Cena to compete later on tonight. Big Show was pleased. He said he wasn't going to lie to her. "You've already lost HHH to injury, and tonight you're going to lose John Cena as well." He said he knew a lot of people came here to cheer for Cena but they would be bitterly disappointed, and that was not good for business. She said this company was bigger than any one individual, and if she took him out someone else would step out and take his place. What a line that was. "I know who will step up," he said. Suddenly, in walked Edge. He said he needed to speak to his wife. Chavo left them alone, then they cut away.
2. Christian vs. Jack Swagger for the ECW Title. Christian ran wild for several minutes early, including hitting a Silver King dive to the outside. As he was climbing back onto the apron, Swagger wiped him out with a shoulder tackle to the floor. He worked over the midsection, following it up by sending him ribs-first into the steps. That has to suck. Christian hit two of his teeter-totter kicks, but then missed a flying headbutt off the top and Swagger rolled him up. Ref didn't count because the shoulders weren't all the way down, which killed the nearfall. Fire that guy. They traded more nearfalls, including Swagger hitting a belly-to-belly off the top. That was awesome. Christian hit a reverse tornado DDT but Swagger kicked out. Crowd was into this. Swagger rolled him up and grabbed the tights, but the ref caught him. Well, sorta. He stopped counting but didn't actually catch him, which begs the question why he stopped counting. Finish saw Swagger go for his doctor bomb, but Christian slipped out and pulled down his straps. With the straps down, he immediately rolled him up and then pulled the trunks for the pin. An elaborate finishing sequence that made total sense, plus it played into Swagger's complaint that Christian is a CHEATER~! This was great. (***1/2)
Chavo was trying to eavesdrop on Edge and Vickie. Edge walked out and Chavo said he'd heard rumors they weren't even living together anymore. Edge said is that so? He said there was some cross-dressing Punk calling Vickie a pig and Chavo wasn't doing anything about it because he was a failure. He then excused himself to go get ready for his title match.
3. Shelton Benjamin vs. John Morrison. Crowd still isn't sure what to make of Morrison. He did a springboard front flip to the floor, and he was rotating such that he was heading towards a 450 on the floor. Shelton earned at least a straight year of praise by leaping in there and perhaps literally saving his life. I mean, this was the catch of the year so far. Morrison went up top, got crotched, then Shelton gave him a springboard kick to the face. Shelton began applying various stretching holds. Match slowed down significantly. Shelton matches are always fucking boring as hell during the heat. So here are a couple of solutions: Either give him a tag team partner who can bring some excitement (Haas, in fact), or turn him babyface and let someone else beat the shit out of him during the heat. Morrison finally made a comeback and the people got into it. He hit a big kick and the running knee but Shelton kicked out. Morrison tried a springboard huracanrana but Shelton caught him and gave him a running powerbomb into the buckle. They almost lost their balance but it was a good save. Shelton and Haas got run together, then Morrison hit the springboard kick and the full twisting split-legged moonsault for the pin. Crowd really got into Morrison by the finish, so even if they don't know why he's a babyface they are accepting him as such. (***1/4)
Miz came out and was as annoying as ever in a positive way. He congratulated the winner of the prior match: "Marty Jannetty." He said since he couldn't directly face Cena tonight he was going to face someone who would be a suitable substitute. He said Cena was overrated and disappointing, but the fans loved him regardless. This man, he said, was much like Cena. It was Alfonso Soriano someone on the Chicago Cubs who apparently does the "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" sign. He said this man would never see a World Series ring as long as he played for the Cubs. He said he wanted to apologize to anyone born before 1908, who actually witnessed a World Series title. He said if Alfonso had a problem with that he could either win a World Series or he could serve as a Cena surrogate tonight. He invited him into the ring. Then he said wait, I got a phone call. He said it was Lou Pinella, who said Alfonso couldn't do it because he'd prefer if Alfonso got his annual injury on the field as opposed to off. Miz said this wasn't going to happen, and that meant since Alfonso was the Cena surrogate that meant he'd done something the Cubs hadn't done in a hundred years, that being win four in a row. Suddenly, out came Santino. This made Alfonso so happy. He said ALFONSO SORIANO was clearly an Italian, and Miz could not speak to him that way. He said WWE stars were starting to look like animals. He said Vickie looked like a pig, Koslov looked like Sam the Eagle, and Miz looked like a jackass. Miz said Cena wasn't out there but he had no problem kicking Santino's ass. Miz punched him and knocked him on his ass but Santino reversed and started pounding on him. Every time they did a reversal the fans went "BOO!" and "YAY!" Awesome. Miz finally laid him out with a DDT. As he was leaving, Chavo ran down and lad him out with a frog splash. What a jerk.
Jericho did a promo with Josh backstage. He used the term parasitic gelatinous tapeworms again. I hope he uses that term until the day he retires. In fact, far beyond. He said these people didn't have faith in a great man like him, they only had faith in a young fool like Rey Misterio. He said chants of "619" made him want to vomit. He told them to chant all they wanted, because that was the closest they were going to get to seeing it tonight. He guaranteed we wouldn’t see it tonight, and guaranteed that he'd be the new champion when the night was over.
4. Rey vs. Jericho for the IC Title. Rey pretty much immediately went for the 619. He failed. They were trading big moves pretty much from the opening bell until Jericho finally cut him off with a crotch on the top rope and went to work. Rey is able to sell everything in a way where it looks like he blew out his knee again. This was no exception. He was moving pretty damn well for having hurt himself on Tuesday. There was a great spot where Jericho ended up draped on the middle rope, Rey went for the 619, and Jericho sprung up and turned it into a backdrop. Rey, of course, sold his knee on the backdrop. Jericho hit him with an Atlantida for a nearfall. Jericho complained about the count and Ross noted that this was "the same official" that DQ'd Jericho in the four-way at Madison Square Garden. That was hilarious because he had to say as much as he could without mentioning the ref's (Charles Robinson) name. Jericho put him on the top rope and went for his mask. Announcers were talking about how this was the ultimate disrespect. Rey made his big comeback. Lots of great reversals. Jericho hit a QUEBRADORA spinning backbreaker for a nearfall. Rey finally hit a tilt-a-whirl and went for the 619 for the third time. He failed and Jericho tried a lion tamer. Rey slipped out and went for it again. Place was going more and more nuts with each passing attempt. Jericho caught his legs and put him in the lion tamer. The entire front row was on their feet. Rey turned it into a small package. Rey tried a backdrop into a huracanrana and got powerbombed. There were Mexicans doing the LUCHA WHISTLE. Jericho finally ended up going face-first into the corner, then Rey hit a 619 and the springboard splash for the pin. Great stuff. My only complaint, and this is nitpicking, is that the final 619 didn't get nearly the pop it should have because the way he was set up was not traditional 619 position and thus the fans couldn't get excited to see it like they had earlier. (***3/4)
5. Orton vs. Batista for the Raw title. So I guess Orton is winning this one and Jeff is winning the main event. Dave did all he could but the fucking guy can barely move at this point. I mean, some of his movement was downright sad to watch. He was still working hard, taking a backdrop on the apron and a back suplex on the dasher boards. Orton worked him over with chinlocks and such. I cannot handle watching Orton vs. Batista matches through 2011 or 2012. It's not like Rey and Jericho where they're good enough that it'll always be innovative. Orton and Batista will always have the exact same match. Orton DDT'd him as his feet were on the ropes and set up for the field goal of doom, but Batista speared him out of his boots and began his comeback. Orton rolled outside and demanded the referee count him out. Dave was like, no. He went after him. Orton just stood there and got caught. Poor plan here. His next idea was to hug the post for dear life. Another fail. So his next plan was to go outside and grab a chair so he could get disqualified. Looks like they're building towards a cage match. Dave thwarted him, threw him back inside and hit a diving shoulder tackle off the top. Orton bailed again, and this time he grabbed his title and tried to run up the aisle. Dave caught him and threw him back inside. He tried to use the title but Dave gave him the spinebuster. Orton avoided it and tried the RKO, but got shoved off. Batista tried a shoulder block but hit the post. Orton tried another RKO but Dave shoved him off towards the ref. Orton finally figured it out and slapped the ref across the face for the DQ. Dave was gobsmacked. Legacy hit the ring and they were stomping a mudhole in Batista when suddenly RIC FLAIR'S MUSIC HIT. He ran down and ran wild on all the heels, clearing the ring with chops and boots and such. He didn't get blown up at all, looked to be in great shape, and the people went apeshit for him. He was running so wild BEING RIC FLAIR that Dave couldn't help but laugh when it was all over. (**3/4)
6. Cena vs. Big Show. Cena was selling like his ribs were still killing him. Show went to work on them pretty much immediately. Oh Christ, if we get 15 minutes of Cena selling for this lumbering offense I'll kill myself. And that is what we got. The show dragged to a halt. I mean, a dead halt. On and on and on it went. If Cena doesn't win this match this will be a burial on par of when Show killed Rey Jr. on Raw last month. Show took off Cena's armband. He looked at it for like five minutes, then just threw it outside. Cena made a comeback with a leg clip and flipping neckbreaker. He hit a DDT and put on the STF -- well, he tried, Show is too long. He got to his feet to try something else and was leveled with a clothesline. Show hit a Vader bomb but Cena kicked out. Lawler said this was one of the most amazing things he'd ever seen. Jerry Lawler. Show hit a fallaway powerbomb and set up for the punch of death. As he went for it Cena turned it into a monstrous FU for the pin. Yes, with his bad ribs. I've seen worse, but my God. (*3/4)
7. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy for the Smackdown title. Edge gave the title a kiss as he handed it over. Jeff outwrestled him early with armdrags and such. He hit a flip dive over the top, wiping him out, but the missed a twisting moonsault off the top and crashed and burned for the heat. At least Edge was trying different stuff as he worked him over as opposed to just a boring generic rest hold like half the undercard. Still, heat wasn't what you'd expect. Can't blame them, that Show match sucked the life out of me. Jeff finally made his big comeback and ran wild. He put on a sharpshooter and people kind of cheered. I mean, the lack of heat was kind of shocking at this point. Jeff hit the twist of fate out of nowhere but Edge kicked out. He tried his dropkick in the corner but Edge tried to turn it into a powerbomb. Hardy rolled through for a nearfall. Jeff hit a sunset flip off the top for another nearfall. Jeff started tearing apart the table and the dasher boards. He went for the dasher board run into a clothesline but Edge speared him in mid-air. God that looked like it sucked. People were looking towards the back at this point. Ref was counting Hardy out but he got back in at nine. Jeff snapped him over the ropes with a twist of fate and followed it up with a springboard legdrop, but Edge got his feet on the ropes. Jeff hit a second whisper in the wind but Edge kicked out. Edge gave him the running bodyblock and they went over the dasher boards into the first row. There were children there and thankfully no one was hurt. As Jeff was trying to climb back in, Matt flew out of nowhere and walloped Jeff with his cast. Edge threw him in and made the cover but Jeff kicked out. Edge went for the spear but Jeff fell down and tripped him. Edge went right into the middle buckle, then Jeff went up top for the senton. He slipped, though, and Edge cut him off. Edge then hit a top rope Edge-cution for the pin. Well, that's what they said. Looked like a botched superplex to me. Crowd was into this by the end, which is a credit to these two guys. (***1/2)
In House Notes
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Industry Notes
World Wrestling Entertainment
Even though Reid has been doing independent dates, Ric told Marvez that his wrestling career and a potential reality show were on hold while he dealt with his drug issues. "It all depends on how he gets himself put back together. The biggest thing about that is that it's a disease. It's not so hard for me to say that after being at an outpatient clinic with him where they talk about a chromosome deficiency causing stuff like that. It's curable, but he's going to have to work real hard at it. He's doing that".
Orton did an interview for the UK Sun saying he was older and wiser and more mature now, so putting the WWE Title on him wasn't a bad idea because he could now successfully represent the company. I will say that you pretty much never hear stories about Orton being a nutcase anymore, at least not to the level of the past. Regarding booting Vince, he said: "When I’m kicking Vince in the head, if it doesn’t look good on live TV, people are going to think: 'Oh, he didn’t want to kick him too hard because, deep down inside, Orton knows that is his boss so he took it easy on him.' So I did the opposite. I kicked him harder." He noted that they showed the replay several times from several different angles and it should have been pretty clear he didn't pull it much. He said the reason the WrestleMania match didn't work out all that well was because they'd built up this storyline where Orton had kicked HHH's father-in-law and brother-in-law in the head, RKO'd and DDT'd his wife, kissed her while she was unconscious, and then walloped HHH with a sledgehammer, and after all that the WrestleMania match stip was that if Hunter got DQ'd he'd lose the title. "I think when all that happens and then you have this match where he can’t be disqualified or he loses the title, you kind of screw yourself. We were not able to do everything that the other guys were able to do. Matt and Jeff Hardy had a hardcore no-holds-barred match. They were able to use all the bells and whistles to beat the hell out of each other. Everyone was expecting Triple H and I to do the same, but we had rules that put a fence around everything we were able to do. We weren’t able to go to the extreme. If anything hurt us, it was that." He did say he was happy with the match, and blamed the poor crowd on having sat through three-and-a-half hours of wrestling, Shawn and Undertaker, Money in the Bank, etc. "When you do that and then you have this match with two guys who can’t be outside of the ring for more than 10 seconds, you kinda screw yourself. You’ve backed yourself into a corner where it’s going to be hard to outperform the matches that went before you. I think our storyline and what our match was all about deserved to be the main-event match on WrestleMania. But I think that the restraints and stipulations around the match made it harder on us than it should have been." As noted, I was there live, and it wasn't the length of the show or anything else. The fans went apeshit for Steve Austin five minutes before they went down to the ring. The problem is this. Run-ins aren't bad. They're only bad when, as in TNA, they happen in every single solitary PPV main event. When used sparingly, run-ins can make perfect sense and make a match better. If there was ONE main event in the last year where the storyline set it up perfectly for multiple run-ins, Orton vs. HHH at Mania was it. And in fact, as Batista noted, Mania was originally the place where he, Vince and Shane were going to return, but they bumped it to Raw the week before instead. THAT was the mistake. He claimed to have no problem with the night Shane returned, hit him with those weak punches and got all blown up. However, he said: "I just think the hardcore fans didn’t like it. They disapproved, because in their minds he shouldn’t be able to hang with a top guy. They think that Shane McMahon shouldn’t be able to go toe to toe with Randy Orton. The fact that Shane is not a wrestler on the active roster -- he only comes back every couple of years and doesn’t dress or carry himself like a professional wrestler -- definitely hurts his character and believability." He basically said people could hate it but they'd still tune in the next week. Well, that's true, but I don't think it can be denied that the whole Orton vs. Shane feud really took the edge of Orton, who the week prior was at the cusp of being something really special and now is just another top heel. He said the reason Manu was cut was because he had "respect issues" and other problems backstage. "His father was the great Afa, of the Wild Samoans, and Manu had been in the ring since his early teens. Now, in his early 20s, technically he’s been in the ring for more than a decade -- but not really. Really he'd only been in the business a month by the time I knew him. He carried himself like he had been in the business for 15 years. He thought he knew everything. He thought he deserved a first-class seat when we went overseas. He thought he didn’t have to pick up in the locker room after the show was over, like the new guys do. He didn’t feel like he had to pay his dues, because he’d already paid them. What he doesn’t understand is that wrestling once a week for 10 years doesn’t count. When wrestling is all you do, when everyone in the world knows who you are and you’ve held titles and main-evented PPVs -- that’s when you start to get to the point where you might deserve a little something extra. I don’t think he applied himself in the gym or when it came to his diet. He just thought: 'Hey, my dad is Afa, the Wild Samoan, so I get a job. I deserve to be here.' He just didn’t get it." Wow, that was a burial. He also put over Harry Boy Smith as the next potential member of Legacy again -- right before Harry re-debuted in ECW.
Smackdown this week, which was awesome, was largely booked on the fly. I'd like to think they learned a lesson from this, but I doubt it. Rey Misterio was supposed to figure prominently on the show, first doing a singles main event with Jericho, then that match being turned into a tag. However, at the Superstars tapings he blew out his knee against Shelton Benjamin and all plans had to be thrown out the window. We ended up with Edge vs. Jericho, which was awesome, and also impromptu Punk & Morrison vs. World's Greatest Tag Team and R-Truth vs. Mike Knox matches. Luckily, Rey's injury was not serious, and obviously he still wrestled at the PPV on Sunday. But the whole thing was the talk of the locker room Monday.
Ross wrote in his blog: "Mysterio's injury, which occurred just moments before we were to start the SD taping, caused Friday Night Smackdown to really have a spontaneous, exciting feel which I think will come across clearly on the MyNetworkTV presentation. It was an especially exciting night for Todd Grisham and me at ringside. I know that when I returned to the Dayton Marriott I was beat like a government mule but not in a bad way. We left it all out there as you will hopefully see Friday night. I was so beat that I bypassed any opportunity for a 'night cap.'".
ECW this week did an 0.93. Well, that sucks. For whatever reason -- and it's likely just a coincidence since this makes no sense -- ratings for all the shows have been down since Superstars debuted. Superstars is doing less than a 1.0 (0.95 this week) and WGN's availability in the US is a bit limited, so it's not like it's stealing the audience.
Vince's latest insanity is that the term GREAT AMERICAN BASH is too WCW-like, so they are changing the name of the June PPV to simply THE BASH. Put a leash on this guy or something.
WWE is doing a three-tour weekend on July 31st, August 1st and 2nd with one tour featuring Raw stars, one tour featuring Smackdown and ECW stars and the World Champion, and one tour featuring Smackdown and ECW stars and the IC and ECW Champions. House show business has been great lately so they're taking advantage of it.
Rock took his mom on a tour of the White House last week.
Dark match at the PPV was Mickie James beating Beth Phoenix.
WWE will be heading back to Mexico in October. No dates yet but they'll be running one date in Monterrey, one in Puebla, and two in Mexico City. They'll also be touring Latin America from September 23rd through 26th with shows in Ecuador, Guatemala and Guadalajara (so traveling North as they go along).
CM Punk on his worst injury, to Patrick Lennon: "The worst injury I've ever had was a fractured skull. I thought I broke my neck at the time. I was giving a guy a neckbreaker and his head wound up on top of mine and everything just sandwiched and hit the mat at the same time and my head was turned. It felt like somebody took a pot of warm water and poured it inside my brain. Everything got hot so I thought I broke my neck. I still had feelings so like a knucklehead I continued to wrestle for 12 more minutes. Afterwards it was a chore to walk from the ring to the back and as soon as I got in the back I hit the floor and couldn't get up. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't see and was throwing up." He said doctors were shocked he walked into the hospital. "They were like 'how did you get in here?' I said 'I walked' so they said 'the bad news is you have a fractured skull. The good news is you should have died.' I was out two months." He also nonchalantly reportedly that he'd "broken a nose or two" with the GTS.
Raw last week did hours of 3.14 and 3.44. Yes, a 3.14 first hour. Remember when the idea of the draft was to make sure that Raw was the number one show? Here we are a few weeks later and the first hour is doing a 3.14 and most fans consider Smackdown far superior. The show did 4.5 million viewers, which is not good, with a median age of 36.
May 7th Superstars did an 0.97, which is its record.
Torrie Wilson to AOL Fanhouse on kissing Vince McMahon: "To say the least. It was crazy, crazy awkward. I was so intimidated by Vince. Having that being my first experience really around him, it was just really, really nerve-wracking. But after that, everything kind of went downhill, so it felt easy." She said Linda was standing right there the entire time directing: "Actually, when I finally kissed Vince, she was the one that pulled me aside and said, 'Kiss him like you mean it and rip his clothes off.' I was like, 'Whoa.'" Her show, "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" debuts on June 1st on ABC.
Chris Hemsworth, who played George Kirk in the new Star Trek movie, won the role of THOR in the upcoming comic book film. If you'll recall, years back HHH was supposedly in the running for this one.
Larry Horse on our site sent in this funny note: "Earlier this week, there was a podcast posted on Deadspin.com that featured an interview with MLB Network studio host and former XFL lead announcer Matt Vasgersian. In it, he suggests that one of the reasons he was demoted from XFL lead announcer after one week (he was replaced by Jim Ross) was because he refused to say everything that Vince was telling him to say in his earpiece (leering at the cheerleaders and whatnot). Sound familiar?".
Total Nonstop Action
For the TNA house show in Kent, Wash., on June 4th you can still get sixth row tickets. Tickets have been on sale since April 24th.
Kurt Angle did an interview from the set of the movie he's working on, "Warrior" starring Nick Nolte, and said that he was preparing to get out of wrestling to go full-time into acting. Well, at least he's transferred his stories away from MMA. And poor John Cena, having to answer questions about Rock AND Kurt Angle leaving the business for Hollywood now.
TV times for this week. ECW was way down to just 13:03 for the hour. TNA had 7:02 in the first hour and a whopping 14:35 in the second, so they trounced them with 21:37 total. I think that's the first time in a long time that a single hour of TNA beat a single hour of ECW. Anyway, TNA still fucking sucked.
Red vs. Kiyoshi has been added to Sacrifice.
Sarah Stock, formerly Dark Angel in CMLL, will be working as Sarita.
James Storm re-signed a long-term deal with TNA. Learned a lesson from his former partner apparently.
ODB is off TV for the next month or so because they can't figure out anything for her and Cody Deaner. Think about that. They spent at least a month straight building up the Win a Date with ODB storyline that lead to Deaner's debut, and then when they pulled the trigger they almost immediately had no other ideas for it.
Turns out Hernandez will only likely be out three months after getting neck fusion surgery on his T1 and C7 vertebras.
Ultimate Fighting Championships
NSAC did out-of-competition drug testing for Sean Sherk, Matt Hughes, Matt Serra and Frankie Edgar, and they all passed.
The big war of the words this week was between John Hackleman, the trainer of Chuck Liddell, and Dana White. Here's the gist of it. Hackleman says that Liddell isn't retired yet, and that it's a decision Liddell will make, not Dana or anyone else. Dana says he knows Chuck better than anyone, and he and Chuck had an agreement that if Chuck didn't win his last fight, he was retired. Dana says Chuck is OK with that. Hackleman says Chuck is not OK with that. Dana says he loves Chuck, that Chuck has tons of money and never needs to work again, that he has a job for life in UFC, and that the only reason Hackleman wants him to keep fighting is because Hackleman needs the money. Hackleman says this is ridiculous and that he's merely insulted that Chuck didn't get to make his retirement announcement himself and that Dana had to take it upon himself to do it. Dana says if Hackleman really loved Chuck he wouldn't be pressuring him to fight again and put himself in danger. Chuck, meanwhile, is trying not to get in the middle of this, but says that he feels like a child standing there between two parents that are arguing. He says he needs time off, and that as soon as everyone shuts up about this he'll make his own announcement.
Dana's other war of words, sort of, is with Tom Atencio, who challenged him to a fight last week in a goofy grandstand challenge. "If I were him, I'd want to fight me, too," Dana told Kevin Iole. "I'm the guy who is killing all of his hopes and dreams." He continued: "At the end of the day, I stepped up and said I would fight Tito, and he was a fighter who people cared about. But why would I fight this goof? He's neither a fighter nor a promoter. He's a fucking loser. That's all he is. Let me tell you something: When I was $44 million in the hole, the last thing I was doing was leaving the office and going out to train for a joke of a fight. I was in the office and trying to find a way to make this thing work. Why would I waste one second of my day worrying about this fucking guy? He should be worried about the millions and millions of his bosses, or his partners' money, whoever it is, that's he's burning. That's a complete joke." Wait until Dana sees Atencio on the cover of the new Entrepreneur Magazine, with the byline stating that he's MMA's toughest promoter. That's fucking ridiculous.
Dana, Kenny Florian and Forrest Griffin were all on Dr. Phil this week. Aside from the fact that they called Florian "Kenny Florini" it was a positive piece in that they took two young geek tough guys and had the UFC guys lay down the law about how this was a dangerous sport, not something you should be trying at home, and how the fighters trained super hard so that they could avoid serious injury. They put over the safety record of the sport and talked about how they ran sanctioned states. Dana did claim they were overseen by "the government," which was an exaggeration that people are now going to run with forever, and noted guys had to pass drug tests, get EKGs, etc. He also noted that they weren't looking for fools who came off the streets, but rather real, well-trained athletes.
International Wrestling
Sad to report the death of Canibal, real name Julio Gomez Roman, who worked for AAA in 2007 and who someone just happened to ask about on a Dr. Lucha show a few weeks back on our Web site. He spun out his motorcycle in Mexico City on May 10th, hit a truck broadside, and landed head-first on the pavement. His funeral was Thursday and he was buried in Sierra de la Esperanza in Oaxaca, his birthplace.
Also sad to report the death of Jose Arguello Luna, who worked for various groups from the '60s through the '80s, at the age of 64. His most famous gimmick was Polaris.
Tank Tim Robertson, an indy worker in the Northeast, also passed away at age 29 this week apparently due to complications from an allergic reaction to a bee sting.
Dr. Phil Astin III, personal physician of Chris and Nancy Benoit, Johnny Grunge and others, was sentenced to 10 years in prison this week for illegally prescribing medication. The US Department of Justice in Georgia noted that his reputation for easily prescribing drugs often without an appropriate physical examination resulted in patients (including two wrestling stars believed to be Rey Misterio and Mark Jindrak) traveling from far outside of Georgia to meet with him. He was indicted on 175 counts and we'll never know the full extent of his dealings because the investigation was closed once he pleaded guilty. I do know that there was at least one wrestling star whose name never came out that was getting drugs from Astin, and in fact it would have been quite the embarrassment to that person had this happened, and why it didn't happen I have no idea except that most likely his real name wasn't high profile enough that anyone in the investigation put two and two together. The DOJ noted evidence and testimony from one wrestler who reported getting Lorcet, Percocet, Xanax and somas from Astin for nearly a full year without once getting physically examined, and that after he became hooked on the pills Astin just kept dispensing them like nothing was the matter. He said that his girlfriend and other wrestlers regularly got pills from Astin solely for the purposes of abuse and Astin never questioned them. US District Attorney David E. Nahmia said: "The long prison sentence imposed today reflects the egregious conduct over many years by this doctor, whose willingness to give powerful and dangerous prescription drugs to addicts harmed his patients and our community. We hope that this sentence and the wide attention this case has received will convince other doctors not to participate in prescription drug abuse, which is a violation of their oath that can lead them to years behind bars." What it came down to in the end was Astin's claim (that he was honestly concerned with helping his patients feel better) vs. the prosecution's claim (that he was trafficking in drugs). Realistically, it was probably a little of both. Astin will forever be tied most famously to the Benoit case because Benoit was his most high-profile patient, but the reality is that what Benoit did most likely had little to do with the drugs that Astin was prescribing. If it was just the drugs, then the wrestler who got the Lorcet, Percocet, Xanax and somas would have killed his wife and children as well, as would all those other wrestlers that he was talking about. The drugs surely didn't help, but there were far greater issues at work. Now the Johnny Grunge situation is much different, because Grunge had a problem and Astin, whether he claims to have been trying to help or not, was enabling the issue far more than a personal physician should have. Even in the case of Rey Misterio and Jindrak, if you divide out the number of pills they got from Astin by the number of months between visits, it comes out to about three pills per day, which is what most doctors would prescribe to you if you got a root canal. With Grunge, whoever, Astin was giving him significantly more than he needed significantly more often, and in fact an entire empty bottle of pills -- prescribed by Astin the day before -- was found next to Grunge's body. So in that case, and perhaps even the far-less-talked-about case of Sherri Martel, you can point directly to an Astin tie-in. "I take full responsibility," Astin said. "I am sorry I hurt so many lives. I was thinking that I was looking after my patients".
Chris' father Michael Benoit is hoping that with the sentencing he'll get access to Benoit's medical records. He wants to know what Astin was prescribing his son and why, what Chris was asking for, etc. He also firmly believes that what Benoit did was almost solely the result of his multiple concussions and brain injuries.
Linda Bollea showed up in court the other day with two giant bodyguards in tow. You know, because Hogan might try to OJ her. Not making this up. She wants Hogan to have to reveal where he's hiding his assets (she claims various LLCs), and Hulk wants to pay less than $40,000 per month to her since he's got his back issues and can't work.
Frank Caruso, the half-brother of John Graziano, will not be charged with threatening Nick Hogan and his attorneys. Caruso had sent e-mails and made phone calls to both Nick and his attorney, Kevin Hayslett, saying things like, "It's over!," "You disrespected the wrong person!," and "You ain't nothing!" While he didn't outright threaten Hayslett, he did make it clear that he knew the name of his wife, and also mentioned his children. Several of the Nick tapes were played on the Bubba the Love Sponge Show. When the judge said charges would not be filed against Caruso, Hayslett said he was fine with that, noting that Caruso appeared to be "auditioning for the Sopranos, but I never viewed it as a serious threat." It should be noted that the cops don't even know where Caruso is right now, but think he might be in Florida. They couldn't trace any of the Bollea calls to his phone, but concluded he could have used his mother's to call. I should note that neither Nick nor Hayslett responded to these supposed threats by hiring huge bodyguards to "protect them.".
Funny Hogan comment from Rolling Stone. This was the same interview where he talked about OJ. He said he was hurting all over, had shrunk from 6-foot-7 to 6-foot-4, and "my tailbone is bent from landing on my ass, 400 times a year." He's going to have to exaggerate that number in subsequent tellings or I am going to be disappointed. I mean, he wrestled 350 days a year and twice on Sundays, so if he landed on his ass 400 times a year he's admitting that he only took approximately one bump per match.
There is a Tracy Smothers vs. Oderus Urungus (originally a character from the band GWAR) match coming up on an indy show with a LOSER LEAVES THE EARTH stipulation. This got me to thinking about a discussion I'd had at one point with someone regarding an NWA territory on the moon. Jesse Irwin, the video guy for Shimmer, AAW, etc., refreshed my memory: "Joey Eastman (indie manager/ring announcer) and I offered then-NWA board member Ed Chuman $10 and a pack of Marlboro Lights in exchange for exclusive promotional rights to the Moon. He swore at us and said, quote, 'You can have the fucking thing!' I think we were inspired by the graphics on the old Crockett NWA TV. There was some talk of taping matches at different promotions for eventual DVD compilation release as a successor to Totally Tool Wrestling (Eastman-booked comedy shows featuring indie workers doing bizarre gimmicks, including Ian Rotten vs. Ed Chuman in a FIRST MAN STANDING MATCH~!) but like so much in wrestling and in life it never happened.".
Lance Storm, who just turned 40, will be coming out of a quasi-retirement for the ROH shows on July 24th and 25th in Toronto. They haven't announced matches yet, but whatever happens will probably play into the storyline of what happened during his last appearance when he was attacked by Sweet and Sour Incorporated. He has turned down a lot of bookings of late, but he has a soft spot in his heart for ROH and also wants the opportunity to see both Bret Hart and Ric Flair, who are scheduled to do autograph signings on back-to-back nights (although Flair's return to WWE may mean no more ROH). Also, his latest Storm Wrestling Academy session just started so he'll have 12 weeks to work out in the ring and get himself into cosmetic shape, because he won't allow himself to do wrestling shows unless he's as close to peak shape as he can get.
CMLL aired the Villano V vs. Ultimo Guerrero mask prior to the final regular-season Mexican Soccer League game last week. The feeling was that because of the game this would be the highest-rated CMLL TV show in a long, long time, so they wanted footage of something that made the company seem super hot. The company has tried to get back to business as quickly as possible because they do feel bad for all the wrestlers who live paycheck to paycheck and were hurting bad when Swine flu shut the country down. They also have no major matches on the horizon because they figure it'll be a while before people get back into the swing of getting out and doing things, and also because they feel with WWE coming to town on the 30th it'll sap people of their cash through at least mid-June.
AAA press director Mauricio Valero announced that TripleMania would be airing on PPV for the second year in a row.
Konnan on Wrestling Observer Radio on our Web site last week claimed Dr. Wagner Jr. had signed with AAA, but then president Joachin Roldan came out and said no, he wasn't, but he should be soon. Oh boy. Wagner has a reputation for stringing people along and then not committing in the end. They said they had huge plans for him and he was an integral part of TripleMania, so they hoped to sign him to the deal later this week. I don't have a good feeling about this one.
International MMA
Two low-level MMA events over the weekend. Strikeforce Challengers on Friday night from the Savemart Center in Fresno was headlined by Billy Evangelista losing via DQ to Mike Aina in the main event after what was apparently an illegal knee to the head while Aina was on all fours. It was controversial in that some people watching the replay thought it was a knee to the shoulder/arm and not the head, but whatever happened there was fear that Aina had broken his jaw and so the ref ruled it a DQ. Lame finish to an otherwise decent show.
Also on Friday night was the Maximum Fighting Championships show in Edmonton with Bobby Lashley's latest MMA bout. He was facing Mike Cook, who played the heel role by wearing a Rey Misterio mask to the weigh-ins and acting like a prick. Lashley was not happy, and in 24 seconds he proceeded to, in the words of Royce Gracie, choke the Jesus out of him. He basically grabbed him in a front facelock, took him down face-first to the mat, and cranked and cranked for all he was worth until referee John McCarthy stopped it. There were people who watched the fight who thought it looked fishy, but I watched it over and over again (which wasn't hard) and I think people are taking too much stock in the fact that Lashley was a pro-wrestler and not enough stock in the fact that he was a great amateur wrestler and is a fucking massive powerhouse.
Bryan's Friend Vince's DVD Review and Karaoke Showcase
St. Louis Wrestling, Vol. 3
Modern-day Matysik says we're going to see a Lou Thesz interview from 1980 that was taped during a Rufus R. Jones-Billie Howard match. He tells us that the finish won't be shown, but assures us that Jones won. Well, thank God.
Matysik interviewed Thesz midring. Thesz called St. Louis "the seat of wrestling." They discussed Dick the Bruiser vs. Dick Murdoch in a cage match. Thesz said Murdoch was "a very evasive fellow" and said he'd like to be there. They also discussed Ric Flair vs. Ted DiBiase. ME WANT MPEG. Thesz said Flair was already a seasoned veteran, and DiBiase was a future star. Indeed. He said David Von Erich was "real championship timber." As the match began, they discussed Thesz' upcoming appearance as a guest referee. He talked about the importance of wrestling tight to your opponent, and said he knew a number of blind men who made very effective wrestlers. They talked about entertainers in wrestling like Gorgeous George and Flair, and Thesz said they were great wrestlers too. He also pointed out that Strangler Lewis, like Jones, was "a little overweight." Duly noted. And that was that.
Rocky Johnson vs. Max Blue. We only saw highlights of this. Rocky won with a backbreaker. "Max Blue" would be an excellent name for gay porn. Next we had clips of Rocky vs. Bruce Langford. They botched a backdrop to an embarrassing degree. Who the hell decided that needed to be seen? Not just in 1980 or whenever, but again on DVD? Next was Rocky vs. Bill White, and he was. A quite horrible jobber, White was pinned via a suplex. Next was Juan Zapata. Rocky pinned him with a FOREARM SMASH. Next opponent was GIL GUERRERO, a fat short luchador with a big head and a phatass moustache. Rocky beat him with a backbreaker.
We move now to Kerry Von Erich's debut, teaming with Kevin against Raul Guzman and Tom DiMarco. Kerry won in seconds with a sunset flip.
Dick Murdoch vs. Mike Huber. Huber was Dick the Bruiser's son-in-law. Again, only clips of this were shown. I was about to say that this was fun just because of how great Murdoch was, then Huber took THE GREATEST TURNBUCKLE SHOT OF ALL TIME. As Murdoch threw him into the corner, Huber leapt at the turnbuckle with all his might, leaving his feet and flying through the air with both arms stretched in front of him like Superman. Then he landed face-first into the turnbuckle, which brought him to an abrupt and violent stop. This will NEVER, EVER be topped, unless someone tries it and actually manages to take out the post with this move or something. Murdoch won with a brainbuster. THIS RULED.
King Kong Brody vs. Abdullah the Butcher. This was from a "spot show" in front of "more than 200 people." The highlight early was Brody very blatantly pulling out a razor blade and flagrantly gigging. At a high school, mind you. Abdullah worked him over with a fork. There was a crowd shot, and there was WAY more than 200 people there -- 500 easy, and that was just one side of the gym. Abdullah also gigged somewhere in here. He took a hundred shots and weebled and wobbled but didn't fall down before finally dropping. They brawled on the floor. The ringbell and a chair were used. The ref got shoved down. He got back up, and Abdullah hauled off and decked him. Finally a bunch of geeks ran in to break it up. They were disposed up. Since Abdullah wasn't asked to run, bump, or sell, this was perfectly fine.
Winona Little Heart vs. Judy Martin. They exchanged leglocks and armholds. Brody vs. Abdullah this was not. Although Martin did bite Little Heart's fingers a few times. The referee had an AWESOME bushy moustache that grew into his sideburns. Little Heart started her comeback with a tomahawk chop. You're stunned, of course. Martin lifted her for a bodyslam, then just held her their, strangling her with one hand and turning away so the ref couldn't see it. Big Show needs to do that sometime. Little Heart made another comeback, this time adding the war dance to her tomahawk chops. She took a backdrop and over-rotated and landed on her ass. I've done that several hundred times, and it SUCKS. She finally got the win with a reverse bodypress off the second rope. This was perfectly fine.
David Von Erich & Ted DiBiase vs. BARON VON RASCHKE & Dick Murdoch. A Von Erich defending America from an evil German who uses the iron claw. Oh, the irony. DiBiase hit an atomic drop early, and Murdoch proceeded to sell his ass like nobody's business. He couldn't even leave the ring, he was in so much pain. He just tagged Von Raschke in and stood in the corner, gently massaging his rump. It's a shame I already referenced gay porn in that Max Blue match, because there's even more material here. Von Rachke hit a hiptoss on Von Erich. He then went for the iron claw, but Von Erich moved and Von Raschke's hand slammed into the mat. What action. DiBiase and Murdoch each went for an atomic drop several times until DiBiase finally hit it. That led to further ass-selling, though it was more subdued this time. They then did my new favorite spot ever. Murdoch held DiBiase's arms and commanded that Von Raschke put DiBiase in the claw. DiBiase dodged, however, and Von Raschke accidentally slapped the claw on Murdoch. And then he COULDN'T LET GO. His claw was SO STRONG, once locked it COULD NOT BE BROKEN. Let me tell you, this collection as a whole has had its highs and lows, but one thing it has done for sure is expose me to the greatness of Dick Murdoch, who may be my favorite wrestler ever now. He hit a brainbuster, but DiBiase kicked out. Von Erich tagged in and ran wild, but was soon cut off. He got a claw on Murdoch, but Murdoch was able to tag in Von Raschke, who snuck in and hooked his claw on Von Erich. This led to the DOUBLE CLAW SPOT. They got to the ropes. All four guys brawled everywhere. Murdoch ended up squatting next to the announce table, mic cord tied around his neck, nearly weeping as he moaned into the microphone like Chewbacca. DiBiase hit some jabs on Von Raschke, who spun around and then rolled (NOT fell) to his back, like he was playing with kids in the backyard. One of the refs got bumped, then DiBiase hooked a figure-four on Murdoch while Von Erich hooked a claw on Von Raschke. Then Von Raschke took a DOUBLE atomic drop. He sold this by holding both arms rigid at his sides, arching his back, jumping up and down three times, then rolling to his back. I have a newfound respect for this man. With the time limit winding down, Von Raschke hooked a short-arm scissors on Von Erich and the action slowed. Von Erich finally hooked a claw to escape. Murdoch tried to come off the top rope to break it up, and got stomach clawed for his troubles. Murdoch hit a piledriver and made a cover, but the time limit ran out. I HEART THIS MATCH.
Von Raschke cut a promo. He said Fritz Von Erich invented the claw, but he perfected it. I must quote him verbatim: "I took it to a higher plane. In my hand it is the BRAIN CLAW. It is a scientific hold applying pressures to the nerves that run down the side of the skull, and penetrate the cranium into the medulla oblongata" -- that part gave him great difficulty -- "into the various synapses of the brain, causing excruciating pain and blackness, and making all my opponents submit to Von Raschke." He said Von Erich had applied the claw to Von Raschke three times, and Von Raschke had survived. Not only that, but he now knew how to defend himself from Von Erich's claw. He eventually was screaming about about the Kiel Auditorium and David Von Erich (whom he called "young and tender") and then he just stood there, hunched over, holding his claw hand out, lurching from side to side. PHENOMENAL.
TV Reviews
ECW
Show opened with TIFFANY laying down THE LAW. She was in her office with Christian and Jack Swagger. She said Christian was bringing back the Peep Show tonight for the first time in years and wanted Swagger as his guest. She said this was a great idea to promote Sunday, but also opened up the door for mass chaos. She said she didn't want chaos or anything that might endanger what could be the best match at the PPV, so she barred them from touching each other. She was significantly less horrible and wooden than last week.
Mark Henry vs. Tommy Dreamer. Completely forgettable match with no heat. Dreamer made a comeback and hit his DDT but Mark got his giant foot on the ropes. He tried a schoolboy but Henry sat on his arm and then hit the world's strongest slam for the pin. Dreamer's quest for the title isn't looking promising.
Hurricane interviewed Natalya and Tyson Kidd. Apparently she's banned from ringside for his match with Finlay later. Natalya said Tyson had all the skills and tools to beat anyone and didn't need her help or anyone else's. After he left, Hurricane hit on Natalya and she blew him off. I hope Velvet Sky wasn't watching.
Tyson vs. Finlay. This was some awesome stuff and these two have my permission to feud forever. Finlay beat the shit out of him early with all sorts of cool mat-based offense, then Tyson clipped his leg on the apron and dropkicked him into the steps for the heat. Finlay made his big comeback and ran wild on the poor bugger. I never realized what an anchor the midget was until I saw this match. Finlay finally went for the Celtic cross, but as he was going for it, WHAMMO~! He was waylaid by DAVID HART SMITH, the former Harry Boy Smith. He stomped on Finlay. Finlay tried a comeback, and as he was doing so Kidd waffled him with the shillelagh. Heels continued the stompdown, then set up Finlay and hit the HART ATTACK~! OK, that was awesome. Natalya came out and raised their hands, and just like that the STAMPEDE BULLDOGS ARE BACK TOGETHER. Best segment on any wrestling show all week for a number of reasons.
We had more fucking Tiffany. First she met with whichever Edge Geek it was that cut his hair. He said he wasn't booked tonight and asked if he could just leave and go to the gym. She said yes. What a clown show this is. Paul Burchill was in next. He said he wasn't on the show tonight or last week. She said she was sorry, but not everyone could be on the show every week. OK, so she has more of a clue than Dixie Carter. Katie warned her that when Paul had nothing to do he got himself into trouble.
Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chad Collyer. The Teacher claimed Collyer was a runner-up on the "US Olympic Grappling Team." That was a good one. Kozlov won fast and Collyer didn't do any grappling. Josh interviewed Kozlov afterwards, who said Russia dominated the Olympics and international competition for nearly 50 years and he was going to carry on that tradition by decimating everyone in ECW.
Christian came out to host the Peep Show with Jack Swagger. "This is so stupid," Swagger began. Christian said come on, quit being a poor sport, let's talk about Judgment Day. Christian said he didn't want to talk about Judgment Day, he wanted to talk about Backlash and how Christian cheated. He showed footage of Christian exposing a buckle, which Swagger ran into leading to the pin. "Well," Swagger said, "What do you have to say for yourself?" Christian said it was cool for him to show footage of him winning the title again. He also noted that Swagger conveniently left out the part where he exposed the buckle on the other side of the ring. He said Swagger just got beaten to the punch. He had a video package of his own, a "comedy" deal making fun of Swagger's lisp. Swagger said this was all fine and dandy, but Sunday it would be his world and he was going to take his title back. "Where you gonna be then, huh?" He said he hoped Christian was enjoying his moment in the spotlight, because it would make things even worse in six months when he was sitting at home alone on his couch wishing he never came back. Swagger said Christian had no comeback, and better yet, Tiffany had ruled that he couldn't lay a hand on Swagger during the show. Christian said what's great about having your own show is that you can determine when it's over. "And show's over," he said, then clonked Swagger with the mic, sending him packing. This was a good segment and I'm a bigger Jack Swagger fan by the week.
ROH on HDNet with Bryan’s Friend Craig
Mike Hogewood and Dave Prazak opened the show and recapped the double count-out from the Danielson vs. Black match from last week. They said Ric Flair would be meeting with ROH owner Carry Silkin to find out who would get the championship match with Jerry Lynn. While Ric is finding that out, I need to find out what kind of gel Dave Prazak uses in his hair. It is good stuff whatever it is.
Claudio Castagnoli vs. Brent Albright. Albright hit the ring and attacked Claudio before the bell, and also before the handshake as Hogewood pointed out. Albright was really laying it in with the punches and kicks, totally in control of the match. Albright went for a half-nelson suplex but Claudio rolled through and hooked the ropes for a pin attempt. This was the finish to their last match. This time the ref caught Claudio’s cheating and stopped the count at two. Claudio complained and Albright hit him with a headscissors dropping down into an arm bar. From out of nowhere The Embassy hit the ringside area and Ernie Osiris threw a shoe at Albright, hitting him in the face! The ref threw the shoe outside and Claudio kicked Albright in the junk and scored the pinfall. Colt Cabana then hit the ring with a chair, running off the heels.
Kevin Steen & El Generico cut a promo. Steen had a message for the American Wolves. He basically told them to see what they do to Kenny King & Rhett Titus in the main event, because they were coming for revenge for the Wolves putting El Generico out of action.
Dark City Fight Club vs. “Sugar Foot” Alex Payne & Grizzly Redwood. I smell another squash coming. DCFC hit Grizzly with a face crusher and tossed him the corner so he could tag in Payne. DCFC #1 hit a HUGE shoulder block and then tagged in DCFC #2 and hit Payne with a power bomb/neckbreaker combo for the pin.
Ric Flair was out next with the big announcement. As he was about to get in the ring he stopped, waited and turned to a ring crew member and waved him up. You see, someone needs to hold the ropes open for The Nature Boy! He took the mic and said “Some things never change. When I get in the ring, you hold the rope!” This was awesome! He brought out Jerry Lynn and was about to make the announcement but Tyler Black, Bryan Danielson and Austin Aries all came down to the ring. Aries said he was sure Ric would announce him as the number one contender. Ric announced that in fact it would be a four-way for the very first title defense on HDNet, Jerry Lynn vs. Tyler Black vs. Austin Aries vs. Bryan Danielson. This will be a heck of a match.
Kyle Durden interviewed my new favorite tag team, Kenny King and Rhett Titus. Titus said that not only was he addicted to love he was also addicted to success. King said that they would beat the champs tonight in their non-title bout and prove that they were the tag team to be on top.
Jay Briscoe (with Mark Briscoe) vs. Sammy Callihan. They started out and were beating the crap out of each other. They were trading punches in the middle of the ring. Callihan raked the eyes and then hit the ropes only to be kicked right in the face by Briscoe. Jay then hit him with a stiff lariat and dropped him on his head with the J-Driller for the three-count. Kyle got in the ring and asked Mark about his knee. Mark said it would not be long before he would return. Durden asked Jay if he had anything to say. Jay responded with two words: “MAN UP”! The crowd sure does love those yokels.
El Generico & Kevin Steen vs. Rhett Titus & Kenny King. Titus gyrated his way to ringside and held a hotel key in his teeth for a pretty young lady, but she refused his offer -- so he spit the key at her! Her boyfriend responded by flipping Titus off. Kenny King wore a Generico mask to the ring, took it off and stomped on it. Gotta love cheap heat! Titus and Generico stated out with some decent chain wrestling, really. Generico tagged in Steen and jumped onto his back. Then both of them KILLED Titus with a doubled-up senton splash. The heels got the heat by kicking Generico in the back when Generico hit the ropes. As he was distracted King grabbed his mask and necked him over the top rope. They beat on Generico for a long time until he was able to get his foot up in the face of Titus and then hit a big crossbody. Lots of nearfalls. King dropped Generico on the mat and Titus came off the top with a splash. Steen broke up the pin attempt. Steen tied Titus to the tree of woe and ran across the ring and hit King with a cannonball. Generico then hit a spring board, flip legdrop from the far side of the ring on Titus, who was still tied up. Steen hit the package piledriver on King and then Generico hit the brainbuster on King for the pinfall. As the faces celebrated the American Wolves hit the ring and put a beatdown on the champs. They ended up putting Generico through a table and held up the belts as the show ended.
Another great show to end the week. Next week we get: Delirious & Necro Butcher vs. Jimmy Jacobs & Brodie Lee.
Ultimate Fighter
This week it's Dave vs. Jason, and they're buddies. Dave has a sweet blonde Mohawk, and coach Michael Bisping said he had all the tools to win the entire season. Dave was training like he knew this guy was his friend but was still going to go out there and try to kill him. Jason was much less up for it, saying it sucked and all you could do was to hope for the best and expect the worst. He also had broken bones in his foot from kicking a dude. Back at the house, Richie found out he had impetigo, a bacterial infection that's contagious. They told him he wouldn't be able to fight and he didn't seem all the concerned about it. The guys were all freaked out and were spraying down the house, like ebola was on the loose. Dan was telling Jason not to kick with his bad foot but he kept doing so. Dan told him to walk it off and throw knees instead, but Jason kept kicking with the bad foot and then howling in pain. This is an example of evolution in action.
Bisping had his guys do the gimmick where you hit a tire with a sledgehammer. A few guys managed to miss the fucking six-foot tire and smash both the mats and later the cement. These are men I think I'd be OK doing a stand-up battle with. Meanwhile, at Dan's camp, it was time to spar five-minute rounds. Jason was bitching, saying they'd had two hard workouts and now they were doing it again? He said he wasn't used to this and was the kind of guy who preferred listening to his body. And I guess his body was saying, "Don't do anything today." That's not the last message he'll be getting from his body I'd guess. So right in the middle of it, just prior to the last round, he walked out. Back at the house, Frank explained that he didn't think Jason was even going to fight. He decided to explain this while fondling his manhood. Did we really need to see that? Jason was offended that people were burying him.
So trouble occurred. Dave fucking hit himself in the foot with the hammer. No joke. Everyone was like, how the hell do you do that? His foot ended up getting infected. I am in awe. The doctor gave him antibiotics and it was now a waiting game.
It was time for the coaches' challenge. This year Dana had them play tennis. Bisping said he'd never played but he was sure he could beat Dan. Dana had $10,000 in cash for the winning coach and $1,500 for each person on that coach's team. He said they were going to do six games and the winner had to be up by two when it was over. Oh Christ. Dana said it was great to have a contest where both guys could suck at the same time. Henderson won the first game. Dana told Bisping to stick to fighting because he sucked at tennis. Henderson won game two. Bisping was getting pissed, because Demarques wouldn't shut up. Bisping was down 4-0 and started fighting back. It was now 4-1, then 5-2. They played this dramatic Olympic-style music just as Bisping fucked up for the last time. Bisping said he lost a tennis match, but who cares. "You can stick that tennis up your ass. I'll see you July 11th." That was awesome.
Bisping was still pissed about Demarques back at the school and hinted that maybe he'd have to kick his ass. Time for the fight announcement. They chose Ross vs. Ritchie. Apparently Ritchie was OK to go and his problems were clearing up, but he hadn't been able to roll for a full week. Ritchie is a guy from Alaska that did a lot of fishing before getting into MMA, and now he trains with Henderson at Team Quest. It was also his birthday, so they got him cake. That was nice. Especially since he was cutting at the time. They cut outside and one of the dudes, apparently Cameron, was freaking out, bawling about how he just wanted to fight, win his fight, then go home and make money. "I drank too much, man," he said between tears. "I miss my family, man, I wish I had a better relationship with my parents!" Frank told him not to worry, at least he had all his teeth. That was funny.
Ross did a promo and broke down about how he'd wanted this for so long and knew he'd be a better person as a result of winning. Well, hopefully he'll be a better person if he loses too. It also showed him doing wrestling training with Bisping. It was amateur wrestling training, but in the middle of it he busted out a SCHOOLBOY as a reversal.
Richie Whitson vs. Ross Pearson. There were five minutes of TV time left so this wasn't going long. They were going at a fast pace. Richie got walloped and actually turned his back on Ross and almost ran away. They ended up on the ground, Richie tried and failed on a guillotine, and suddenly WHAMMO~!, Ross kicked him in the head as Richie was on a four-point base. Herb Dean docked Ross a point and Richie got a rest. There was one great moment where, during the break, Henderson tried to talk to Richie, and Herb said hey, knock that off, you can't talk to your fighter. And then, just like in pro-wrestling, as the ref was distracted Bisping started giving advice to his fighter. They continued to battle and Ross was maiming him. He finally got his back, went for a choke, then transitioned into an armbar for the submission. Richie was a warrior but it was not to be. "He was getting the better of everything," he concluded. "Tough break." Tough break indeed.
TNA
Foley came out to open up the show. He hyped up the PPV, noting that he was putting the TNA Title on the line at the PPV, Angle was putting up his role as head of the Main Event Mafia, and Sting was putting up his career. These things are all equal? He said Jarrett would not be here tonight, whether it be in front of the camera or behind the scenes. Crowd chanted "YOU SUCK!" Well, about a dozen of them. He did not bother to explain why Jeff Jarrett, the owner of the fucking company, was not there. I figured he'd explain it next. No. He started talking about a mystery DVD in a blank case. This DVD was completely secretive, a DVD with dark material perhaps unsuitable for children, and a secret DVD that the world was talking about. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. He said he was going to go backstage and contemplate the situation with Jeff Jarrett. WHAT SITUATION? I just watched an 8-minute segment and have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER what he was talking about.
Then they cut to the Mafia. More random bullshit. Kurt isn't there because he's in California filming a movie. Nash said the Survivor chick was willing to bankroll the group as long as they got rid of Sharmell. Why does the Main Event Mafia need a financial backer? Wasn't half the point that they were old and rich? Booker was not happy about this.
The announcers reiterated that nobody knew what was on Foley's DVD. You know, the one the world is talking about. They sent JB to investigate. We got a long fucking segment where Foley wanted JB to teach him how to do the bug-eyes. He said if he did the bug-eyes he'd tell him what was on the DVD. This show is already killing me. In walked Eric Young, bitching about he wanted an opportunity and the best TNA came up with was a tag match last week with a mystery partner. So Foley signed him to a match with Samoa Joe later. After he left, JB did the bug-eyes. And then, instead of showing him what was on the DVD as promised, they just cut away. Seventeen minutes and the show sucks a long cock.
Chris Daniels vs. Chris Sabin. Thank God. Alex Shelley was there at ringside. He raked Daniels' eyes behind the ref's back. Some fan held up a "HEY THAT'S CHEATING!" sign. I laughed. They had Lethal and Creed watching on the ramp. Where's Tiffany to explain that not everyone can be on TV every single week? Don talked about Suicide and Daniels, saying the simple solution to this problem was for both of them to appear on TV at the same time. Thanks for the analysis, Don. Daniels went for the angel's wings and Sabin got all the way into the ring to grab his leg. Somehow the ref missed this. Also didn't lead to the finish. Match kept going. There was no heat at all. Shelley interfered again and got thwarted. Daniels then hit an enzuigiri and the best moonsault ever for the pin.
Foley met with Earl Hebner, Slick Johnson and Rudy Charles. He booted out Rudy and Slick, then told Hebner not to disqualify Joe under and circumstances. JB said come on, Eric will be killed. Foley said tough shit, that's what happens when you fuck with the majority shareholder.
Steiner met with the Survivor Chick and said she needed to lay off Sharmell. She was being all bitchy, saying this was all Sharmell's fault. Steiner said Sharmell told him she was sorry. "Really?" she asked, totally buying it. There was one awesome moment. Steiner wanted to know what she'd say if he offered to set up a meeting between her and Sharmell with him as the modifier. Borash said, "It's moderator." Steiner politely responded "SHUT UP!" I laughed so hard. Anyway, she said sure, she'd do it as long as he promised that Sharmell would apologize.
They said the big question tonight was "WHAT HAPPENED IN NASHVILLE?" This question was accompanied by a graphic of Foley and Jarrett.
The blonde interviewed Angelina Love about her upcoming match with Awesome Kong. She wanted to know who Angelina had begged to show up to watch her back tonight. Angelina said she'd never begged for anything, then introduced her mystery man, Cute Kip. He said someone needed to put Kong in her place, so tonight she was going to have a stretcher match -- WITH HIM. Oh God. This, he said, was KIPPIN' IT REAL~!.
They had a Cross the Line Cam with Jeff Jarrett and his little girls. I hate seeing wrestler's kids on TV. They did some stuff. What in the FUCK was the point of this?.
Samoa Joe vs. Eric Young. Eric was working his ass off here, bumping all over the place like a madman as Joe killed him. Joe put him in the Kokina klutch and Eric fought and fought forever. Way to kill the move. He finally passed out and it was over. Tap early, tap often. Joe hoisted him over his shoulder and dragged him backstage. So Joe is a heel, right? After commercial, he shoved him into the trunk of a car. What a madman.
Tenay interviewed Sting. He said he was shocked that Sting had put his career on the line at Sacrifice. Sting said he hadn't thought about it in advance, it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I'd guess when you work for TNA it seems like the right to retire all the time. They played this weird fucking music like you'd hear in a massage clinic. He was talking about this and that. He said being champion was worth all the pain and sacrifices. It's all or nothing, he said. No, it's not. It's a four-way. It's all if he wins. It's nothing if he gets pinned. But if anyone else gets pinned it's neither.
Taylor Wilde was with the Blonde getting ready to meet her blind date. Taylor, who is supposed to be a babyface, was like, "WHAT IF HE'S FAT?" Who should show up but Daffney. She told Taylor to consider this their first date. She attacked her in the restaurant to hype up Monster's Ball. And who should make the save but the Blonde with A BROKEN GLASS. Yes, she was ready to KILL Daffney to save a former TNA women's champion. Christ this was awful.
More with Jeff Jarrett and his daughter. They were driving down the road. She wasn't even wearing her seat belt. He picked up his other two daughters at school. They also weren't wearing their seat belts. He started dropping off the kids one-by-one at various places. THIS KEPT GOING ON AND ON AND ON. I mean, this was longer than most matches and was adding literally NOTHING to the show.
Cute Kip vs. Awesome Kong. So per the no-man-on-woman violence Spike directive, is Kip considered a woman or is Kong considered a man? She destroyed him early, then Kip grabbed her by the throat. Angelina took the ref so Raeesha could low-blow Kip. Kong then destroyed him with chairshots. Yes, they had to distract the ref for a nut shot, but a chairshot is OK. Kong then grabbed a chair and Pillmanized his neck. That actually looked devastating. Of course, then she wrapped the chair around his neck again and splashed -- his body. Oh well. She put him on the stretcher and he was carted away. I actually really like this angle. It's so simple. Kong is running through them one at a time and Angelina is the final target.
Steiner met with Sharmell and convinced her to show up at the meeting with the Survivor Chick. He insisted Survivor Chick would apologize. After she left, JB asked Scott what was going to happen when neither apologized. The moment he asked this question they cut away.
We got a pre-taped segment with Team 3-D. They were putting over the tag titles, then I blinked and they had been laid out by some bad guys. I mean, literally, between the start of the beating and the time they cut away, no way more than 5 seconds passed. I mean, seriously, why fucking bother?.
More with Jarrett. He was at some restaurant. Then he went to leave and ran into Borash, who was drunk and coming out of a Nude Karaoke bar. My God I'm losing it here.
Suicide & Amazing Red vs. British Invasion in the semifinals of the Team 3-D Invitational Tourney. Suicide didn't go down the zip line. Given all of Kazarian's injuries, probably a good thing. Instead, he magically appeared on the announcer's table and Don West freaked out. "That's Suicide!" he insisted. Mike started talking about this Day in the Life of Jeff Jarrett deal we'd been watching. "A day!?" asked Don. "The longest day I've ever experienced!" Suicide made the comeback and they tried to do some complicated four-way spots and, well, it failed. Machine Guns hit the ring behind the ref's back, hit Suicide with the double superkick, then Williams hit a bombs away kneedrop off the top for the pin. So it's British Invasion versus Beer Money in the tourney finals. After the match the Guns destroyed the babyfaces. It was time, they announced, to unmask Suicide and prove once and for all that he was Chris Daniels. Lethal Consequences ran down to make the save. Or not. Lethal announced that they were going to join forces with the Guns to unmask him. Crowd was chanting "TAKE IT OFF!" The babyface/heel dynamic on this show is so fucked up. So as they were about to unmask him, Daniels ran out to make the save. Tenay pretty calmly said, is this enough to prove that Daniels and Suicide aren't the same guy. Don said, and this was actually really funny, that he was sure Suicide was Daniels, but he wasn't sure who this guy impersonating Daniels was. He vowed to start an investigation.
It was time for the meeting with Survivor Chick and Sharmell with Steiner as modifier. It immediately broke down. "HELP!" Steiner screamed. Awful.
No Limit vs. Kevin Nash in a handicap match. You HAVE to be fucking kidding me. Nash came out looking like a corpse that had been freshly dug out of the grave. I have no goddamn earthly idea what the point of this match is. They claimed this was Nash training for his upcoming match with Joe. You know, the match they've been trying to book for two years that ALWAYS falls through. A squash match. No joke. Nash won with a powerbomb, then cut a promo saying the world ran on one thing -- violence. "We thrive it," he said. English, please. He said at Sacrifice he was going to take out the NATION OF VIOLENCE.
Foley was reviewing the mystery DVD backstage. He said if the sock didn't want to see it he could shield his eyes.
The blonde interviewed AJ about his I Quit match with Booker T at the PPV. I was completely unaware this match was taking place. He said he'd never quit in his life and the words "I Quit" would never, ever cross his lips. Sounds like it just did. Bet you they repeat the Rock/Foley I Quit finish from the 1999 Royal Rumble.
Booker T vs. Jethro Holliday. I was halfway into this before I realized this was an I Quit match. Yes, a five-minute I Quit match on TV. What a great way to compel you to buy the PPV, by giving a really shitty example of what you need to pay to see. At one point, when asked if he would quit, Holliday responded, "Your wife looks pretty good naked!" Ha ha. Actually, what was funny was that Sharmell was mad about this. What? Booker hit him with an axe kick and Holliday muttered, "I'M DONE!" He's done, Gus. Hell of a run for Jethro Holliday. Don said this was a wise move because Holliday had to know that Booker could conceivably "END HIS LIFE.".
Foley gave the video to the production crew.
Foley came out to host the video. He warned people with children or high blood pressure to stop watching now. Wish they'd start the show with that and I'd use it as an excuse to not watch. In the video, Jarrett took us on a tour of the original Asylum from 2002. As he was showing us around, Foley ran up behind him and started choking the shit out of him with cables. He threw him into stuff, such as random pipes leaning against the walls. Jarrett was screaming that Mick had broken his leg. "WELCOME BACK TO THE ASYLUM, JEFFREY!" On a good wrestling program this would have been a great angle. After two hours of mind-numbing bullshit, who could possibly care?
Smackdown
Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas vs. CM Punk & John Morrison. Yup, Punk and Morrison teamed together, so they're at least intent on alerting people that Morrison is a babyface. Would be nice to let him actually do a promo here and there. Commentary on Superstars doesn't count because nobody watches that show. Todd Grisham said Morrison revealed the secret to his killer abs in the latest WWE Magazine. "Fruit in the morning and protein at night." Let me write that down. Good guys ran wild for a long time, though the first commercial break, in fact. Shelton finally kicked Morrison behind the ref's back and they went to work on him. Morrison rolled through a backslide and made the hot tag to Punk. He ran wild and the place went nuts until he ran into Hass, who'd gotten a blind tag and threw him with a belly-to-belly. This reunited team is the best thing to happen to Shelton and Charlie in years. Some people are just better in tags. Morrison got the second hot tag and it broke down into a four way. Punk took out Shelton, then Morrison hit the split-legged twisting moonsault for the pin. Fans went nuts for this and it was a great, great television match. THIS SHOW RULES.
Jericho came out and cut a promo about how Judgment Day was Sunday and it was the end of the world. Christ, I hope not. Jericho said he was not afraid of Judgment Day because he was a man of truth and virtue who always did exactly what he said he was going to do. However, ever since he came to Smackdown he'd been lied to, cheated, and worse. It was a conspiracy, he said, a conspiracy against Chris Jericho orchestrated by the fans, "fraudulent gelatinous parasitic tapeworms." That's the greatest insult I've ever heard. He said it didn't matter, though, because Smackdown was his show. He said his first victim would be Rey Misterio and he was going to take something very special away from him, his IC Title, making him the champion for an unprecedented ninth time. Not only that, he was going to take away the joy the fans felt when Rey hit his 619, because he promised, he GUARANTEED we wouldn't see a 619 Sunday. In fact, he promised we wouldn't see one tonight either, because he didn't want to wait until Sunday. He commanded him to come out. Edge came out instead. He cut what was partly a babyface promo, saying Jericho had just arrived and already people were sick and tired of him. He was appalled that Jericho thought he was face of this brand. While Jericho was on Raw getting owned by John Cena, he said, he was owning Smackdown. He said who gives a fuck about nine IC Titles. "I am a nine-time WORLD CHAMPION." He said it wasn't Jericho's time to be out here anymore, it was his time. He said forget Rey Misterio, let me call out Jeff Hardy. As they were arguing about who was going to get to challenge their Judgment Day opponent, Teddy Long came out and said he'd settle this -- so it's Edge vs. Jericho later.
Jeff Hardy vs. Ricky Ortiz. Seriously. Ricky Ortiz. They had a pre-taped '80s-style inset with Ortiz telling us fans to rally up behind him tonight. Amazingly goofy. He's like the new DDP without the awesome smile. Ortiz actually got the heat for a while. He tried the BIG O but Hardy got his feet up. I cannot believe what I'm watching. I guess it doesn't bother me as much as it should because Jeff is supposed to be an underdog, but Jesus. Selling for Ricky fucking Ortiz? Jeff finally made a comeback, hit the whisper in the wind, the twist of fate and a crushing senton for the pin. Place went nuts and I enjoyed this way more than I should have. I'd also like to note that Jeff Hardy is a vastly underrated worker, because he manages to find a way to get good matches out of people like Ricky Ortiz and Vladimir Kozlov. I mean, that's some talent right there. Josh Matthews interviewed Jeff afterwards. He said Edge was a creature of habit. He'd win the title at a PPV, then a month later he'd lose it. "It's a pattern." Someone screamed "YOU'RE THE GREATEST!" and he turned and said, "YOU'RE THE GREATEST!" Does he think he's at a house show? He put over the people and said he was going to win the title on Sunday for all of them. It sure sucks that they're losing him for a while.
Gail Kim & Melina vs. Michelle & Alicia Fox. Alicia has frizzed her hair up to unbelievable heights. Let's not do that again. It's so enormous that it makes her usual curvy body look stick-like. Melina was moved to this show, by the way, largely because she's back together with Morrison again. Heels worked over Gail. Alicia is still green but she moves great, like a natural worker. Melina got the hot tag and ran wild. Amazingly, she botched no spots here on the taped show. This was the best move of the entire draft right here. She pinned Michelle with the code red.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Jimmy Wang Yang. No heat for this. Yang was 100 times the worker, but it's Dolph's time, not his, and that's too bad. He made a huge comeback and the people briefly got into it, but then Dolph avoided the moonsault and hit whatever the hell his wacky finish is. Khali came down after the match and tossed Ziggler out of the ring, then chased him backstage. It's pretty sad when you're stumbling around and you're still faster than Khali.
Cryme Tyme was trying to stir shit with Eve backstage. They convinced her to attack Layla as she was getting her make-up put on. You know, for the segment on the show that she wasn't in later. Cryme Tyme broke it up and you never saw two men so happy to be copping feels.
Mike Knox vs. R-Truth in a rematch. Truth wiped him out with a dive early. Match was OK. Truth made his big comeback, hit a spinning dropkick, ducked a jumping kick, then got the pin with his wacky spinning flying elbow. They showed a replay and he nearly killed himself on the landing. So it's 1-1 in this feud. My kind of storyline.
Rey Misterio did an interview with his IC Title. He said Jericho didn't understand that in order to gain respect you had to earn it. He said Y2J didn't have to worry about a conspiracy at the PPV, he just had to worry about the 619.
They put Ross and Grisham in the ring to hype up the PPV line-up. This is new, something they did on Raw, and I like it, makes the whole thing seem more important.
Edge vs. Jericho. This was fun due to inside comments by Jim Ross, such as how neither man had any idea they were going to have this match when they showed up today. Jericho got the heat and played the heel role. Edge didn't pander for cheers or anything but was the babyface in peril. When he started to make his comeback the people got into it. Jericho hit his bulldog but missed the lionsault and Edge put him in the sharpshooter. Jericho made the ropes, then put him in a crab. Edge made the ropes and speared him out of his boots. Jericho rolled outside and decided he could take no more, so he hit the ring with a chair and got himself DQ'd. Edge booted him in the face and was going to do the concerto, but out ran Jeff Hardy. He went after Edge, but Jericho tried to thwart him. So Jeff took him out. Punk then ran down with his briefcase, because Edge was down and Punk will only take that opportunity to cash in. But Umaga ran down and thwarted Punk's return again. As they were brawling outside, Jeff went after Edge and they brawled into the crowd. Jericho slinked up the ramp, but as he got there out ran Rey Misterio to attack him and set up their match as well. Well that was quite effective. Another really good show.
Raw
Show opened with Orton coming down to the ring as they showed clips of Flair making his big return at the PPV. He said last night he wasn't just looking to retain his title, he was looking to take Batista out for good. He's very upset with Mr. Flair. He said he should have seen this coming, because Flair hated him from day one and always wanted to hold him down in Legacy. He said he was happy to have kicked Flair in the head in 2007, and it's too bad, because perhaps Flair would have beaten Shawn Michaels last year at WrestleMania and wouldn't be retired today. He noted that he'd kicked every member of Evolution in the head and nobody had ever gotten revenge on him. He warned Flair not to mess with him again. Out came the Nature Boy. He said Orton may be the champion right now but he didn't beat Batista. He said he slapped the ref and got himself intentionally disqualified. He wanted to know why Orton thought he was such a big man. Orton looked at the title. Flair said yeah, what a great champ, hanging onto the ring post. He said in Evolution Orton was supposed to be the heir-apparent, the next big thing, but instead Batista blew past him and never looked back. "Batista became the man!" He said Orton might have his own little group and he might be going around and kicking guys in the head, but until he beat the man he'd never accomplished anything. Orton said he COULD beat Batista anytime, any place, anywhere. Flair said that was perfect because he'd seen Vickie Guerrero a few minutes ago and she was wrecked at what happened to her championship match at the PPV. He said he gave her an idea she liked so much that she'd made it official. He said in three weeks there was a big PPV and Orton was going to defend the title one more time against Batista. Fans weren't into this because they wanted it tonight. He said Orton didn't have to worry about DQ's or countouts or anything because the match would take place inside a STEEL CAGE. Flair couldn't remember the name of the PPV, by the way. Orton said that was nice of you to deliver that message, so I have a message for you to give Dave. He decked him and started stomping a mudhole in him. Out came Legacy, but this time Big Dave made the save. The heels pounced on him, so Cena finally ran out to make the save.
Josh interviewed Cena backstage. His question was why Cena made the save. Why did he make the save? What kind of question was that? Cena said he overcame physics and gravity at the PPV to beat the Big Show and silence the critics, and now it was only a matter of time before he won the title again. What does that have to do with saving Ric Flair? Vickie walked up and signed Orton & Legacy vs. Cena & Dave in a handicap match for the main event. Cena actually quoted -- and how obscure is this, and how shocking that I remember -- Ghostbusters, then said he was actually fine with the idea.
Divas Battle Royal with the winner getting a future title shot. Oh God. This should be something else. Girls were Kelly Kelly, Bella Twins, Beth Phoenix, Jillian and Mickie James. Maryse did commentary. The best part of this was Cole fucking up her name, calling her "Maurice", and she buried him. This was one of those matches where terror ensued. Rosa nearly got killed. Then Bella A did one of those slow-motion back bumps over the top rope and she was almost killed. Then the other Bella managed to go headfirst to the ground and was almost killed. Then Jillian necked the middle rope on a botched spot and nearly got killed. Swear to God, what a streak. Kelly tossed Beth. Seriously. Beth tried to pull Kelly out of the ring, and as she was distracted Maryse sprayed something in Mickey's eyes. Young Innocent Kelly, not knowing what the fuck was happening, booted Mickey for the win. So it's Kelly vs. Maryse for the title down the road.
Santino vs. Chavo in a revenge match for what happened at the PPV. They did some comedy early. Santino sold an injured hip, then someone screamed "WALK IT OFF!", so he did a wacky sashay from rope to rope. It was goofy enough that people booed when Chavo cut him off. Santino started his comeback and acted shocked that it was all working. Chavo finally ran face-first into the buckle and Santino rolled him up for the pin. Place went apeshit for his victory. They have something in this fucker so they better not fuck it up. Chavo did a promo afterwards saying Santino better tell his sister to get her gear on because she was going to defend her Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie tonight.
Miz met with Maryse backstage. I can't believe the universe didn't implode when this occurred. How to explain this? Both were being as annoying as humanly possible. Both looked at each other as if they thought the other was the most annoying person in creation. And it was one of those scenes where you figure it's leading to both being so annoyed with the other that they fall in love. And what a fantastic duo they would be.
Matt Hardy did a promo about how life wasn't fair.
Vickie yelled at Chavo backstage, saying he couldn't make a match period, much less with her in it. Orton stormed in and bitched about the steel cage match at the PPV. She was pissed off and didn't want to take his bullshit so she told him to fuck off. My language is out of control. I apologize.
And I take it back. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? It's Brian Kendrick with his fantastic new partner that he promised last week -- GOLD DUST. Yeah. Goldust & Kendrick vs. Primo and Carlito. OK, I presume this is actually Kendrick trying out different partners. So he had no plan when he did that promo last week. Or they had no plan. I'll go with the latter. So anyway, Goldust failed in the role and Kendrick was really mad. Primo then made a comeback and pinned Kendrick. What? Shouldn't Kendrick's partner fail every week? Like this matters much. Kendrick yelled at him and slapped him across the face afterwards. Hornswaggle ended up running in and tossing Kendrick outside with Goldust's help. So I guess Goldust and the midget are the new wacky duo.
More with the Miz backstage. I feel like I've seen this guy 100 times on this show. He came down to the ring to Cena's old music wearing his clothes and impersonating him. He did a promo saying he was now 4-0 against Cena, but Cena still would not come out and fight him. Why won't Cena come out and fight him? He's here at all the shows. He said he had a remix of Cena's old "Word Life" song -- "Nerd Life, the Story of John Cena". He basically read a poem, very poorly. Cena didn't come out so Miz said it was now 5-0. Lawler finally grabbed a mic and got in the ring. He said just because you called someone out it didn't mean you got a victory if they didn't respond. He demonstrated by calling out Batista. "You think that makes me 1-0 against Batista?" So he called out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin. None of them responded. Really, not even Bruno. He told Miz to quit wasting his time; if he wanted a match with Cena he should go ask Vickie Guerrero for it. Suddenly, out came Big Show. He said Cena might think he was done with him but he wasn't -- at Extreme Rules, he said, it was himself vs. Cena in a submission match. NO. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT MATCH AGAIN. He said Miz was going to have to wait. Miz said fine, I'll wait -- "until after he beats you!" Miz bailed, so Show took the opportunity to kill Lawler with his camel clutch. BOO. Segment went too long.
MVP vs. Matt Hardy for the US Title. Holy shit, JIM ROSS replaced Lawler here. There's something about a man going toe-to-toe with the US Champion with a broken hand that just doesn't sit well with me. Matt got the heat using the cast, then MVP made his big comeback. Matt missed a swing and hit the post with the cast, then MVP put it on the ground and stomped on it. A Yakuza kick in the corner and the playmaker later, it was over. Why isn't his finish just the kick?.
Dave met with Flair backstage. This was a hell of a segment. Basically, Flair was all happy and giddy and Dave wanted to know why. Flair said he was going out next week, calling out Orton and beating his ass. Dave said you're retired. Flair was appalled. He basically recited almost word-for-word what he said to Alex Marvez, noting that he didn't want to be retired and he could beat 90 percent of the people on the show right now. Dave just stared at him, so Flair said fine, if you don't have faith in me then you can go out there all by yourself tonight.
Chavo was backstage trying to teach Vickie to do a frog splash. She said this was fucking ridiculous and the match was off. Santina walked in and made fun of her and she got so mad she said I changed my mind, the MATCH IS ON!.
Santina vs. Vickie. Santina did a promo before the match saying Vickie was just jealous of her body. She said she may be a lesbian but she liked it rough, then kissed Vickie on the lips. Chavo, totally appalled, grabbed the mic and said this was now a no-DQ match. Of course, it led to the two of them getting in a fight. Santina backdropped him outside, but then Regal ran in, hit Santina with an exploder and the running knee, and Vickie got the pin. So yes, Vickie is the new Miss WrestleMania. Vickie was celebrating like this was the biggest day of her life.
Big Show & Dave Batista vs. Evolution & Orton in a handicap match. Announcers were putting over how Show had killed Lawler with a submission, and meanwhile Cena had been unable to put the STFU on Show on several occasions the night before. Good guys ran wild on Cody and Ted for awhile, then they cut off Dave and went to work. Cena and Orton's facials setting up the hot tag were just awesome. Orton ran wild on Cody. He hit the FU but Orton got a blind tag and broke it up. Place was going nuts for all of this. Between the hot crowd and Ross' commentary, this was the best Raw main event in a long time. Cody hit a sweet moonsault. Batista got the second hot tag and ran wild. As fun as this was, at this point the director either fell asleep or Keith Mitchell took over. First off, they cut away and Cena was chasing Big Show up the ramp with a chair. Then Cody went up top and suddenly fell off. Apparently Flair ran down and shoved him off. Cameras missed that too. Flair alerted Dave that Orton was behind him, so Dave speared him for the pin. They managed to show us replays of everything we missed afterwards, which is more than TNA ever does. Flair did one of his wacky batshit crazy celebrations afterwards and Dave was cackling. Flair even got him to do the strut. This was a win. A million times better than last week's show.